So this is what our lives have been about lately. After more than 2 years of trying to conceive, we finally (with fertility treatments) got the very best news the 1st week of November. Elated can't begin to describe how happy I was. We didn't tell MMF because we were waiting to let her tell our families at Christmas. We also knew that we'd be far enough along to start making plans by then. Unfortunately, things didn't work out that way. Our first ultrasound was at 6.4 wks at our fertility dr's office. The baby measured 6.3wks, pretty good, but she couldn't find a heartbeat to measure. Still, she was very optimistic and said she didn't think it was a big deal, that it was fairly common that early on not to be able to measure the heartbeat. She released us to my ob. We had an appointment the following week and another ultrasound. I had been struggling with a worrisome "feeling" all week so my hubby went with me. I'm glad he did. The dr saw the sac right away, but there was no tell-tale flicker, indicating a heartbeat. I started getting really nervous and my husband came over and held my hand. The dr turned on the blood flow scanner. It was blank. I started crying. She measured the baby- 6.3wks. For the second time in my life I was looking at an ultrasound screen viewing a child I was already in love with but wouldn't get to have. I was devastated. My dr, being the wonderful woman she is, scheduled me for the second time, the very next day for surgery to remove the baby. This time she kept it and sent it to be studied. Hopefully, we will have more answers this time to help us going forward. We told MMF that we thought we were going to have a baby so they had to check in my belly. It turned out not to be true and that made us very sad. That seemed to satisfy her curiosity at the time. My husband also told her that anytime she saw me cry to run over and give me lots of hugs so I would feel better. She was the best at remembering to do that over the next several days while the hormones fluctuated wildly. She still insists that if I take a baby pill every single day we will have another baby. In the meantime, she asks for a baby brother or sister every day in her prayers just to cover all her bases.
I am remaining positive. I believe there is someone else meant to be in our family. I have faith that in Heavenly Father's time it will happen. I'm doing my best to be patient. For everyone out there who is blessed enough to decide when to have their babies and can just make it happen I hope you realize how truly blessed you are. For everyone out there like us who have tried, sought help and failed, prayed, fasted, and shed so so many tears, I walk with you and you have my prayers.
